So I didn’t think I’d have anything to blog about on the first day, but I was so wrong. The second we pulled away, a sinking feeling hit me.
I haven’t really discussed the “ugly” details of coming out as trans, but they came at me full force today. Since I’ve begun my transition, I’ve lost the support of some big people on my life. As we departed for the walk, I realized how difficult this was for me. When I walked last year, I begun my journey knowing that everyone was cheering me on and proud of the work I was doing. This is not the case now, and it’s making me feel uneasy. I try to speak and the words don’t really come out. I feel silenced.
I spent a lot of my childhood and adolescence like that–completely silenced. The world could have been collapsing in my head and no one would have known about it. I never voiced a feeling or thought.
Over the past two years, I’ve put in a lot of hard work to gain my voice. I got loud and proud, and that confidence spilled over into other areas of my life. I began to voice my thoughts and feelings and subsequently, became a better partner, leader, friend, teacher, etc. I finally began living life as the best version of Alex possible.
I feel like the loss of support after starting my transition pulled this wonderful foundation out from under my feet. It’s like I’m the quiet kid all over again. Even if I wanted to speak, I’m not sure anything would come out, and that’s the worst because I even feel silenced in my own head.
I think the walk is going to be a huge growing experience for me, even more so than it was last year. I’m hoping to tell my story and enjoy the company of other amazing activists and regain my voice again.
Until later, my friends…