Confusion

So I figured it was time to give an update about how I’m feeling and where I’m at with my gender identity. It’s difficult to sit down and explain, however, because I am still so confused about it.

One topic that is awkward to talk about but others may relate to is the issue of getting my period. I hate it. It’s actually probably more than that. I abhor it. Furthermore, when I have my period, I absolutely hate every inch of my body. My breasts all of a sudden turn into “rolls,” I want to chop off any hint of hips that I do have, and just loathe every inch of my body in general.

One thing that is sure: I am not a woman. I do not want to be a woman. But I am most definitely not a man. I do not want a penis, not even a little.

I have an ideal in my head, but it’d be a difficult process to follow, and I’d be afraid of losing people that are close to me.

So for now, I’m just left trying to figure out who I am dnd how I can be comfortable in myself and in my body. I’m not sure it’s possible, but I keep trying to make it work.

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2 thoughts on “Confusion

  1. me says:

    Have you looked into postgender, pangender, polygender + two spirit?

    • Yeah, I’ve been figuring it all out. And I definitely don’t feel like I fit either gender or that I “am” either gender. Who I am and where I fit is somewhere in the middle. That’s kinda why I’ve decided to start taking testosterone. I don’t want to be a man, but I currently feel too feminine. I’d like to move somewhere more towards the middle. Just be able to be myself without feeling like I have to fit into some arbitrarily drawn category.

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