Hey everyone! I’m terribly sorry that I haven’t had a chance to update my gender blog yet. While posts are definitely going to be more infrequent now that I have three blogs, I haven’t given this one attention at all.
Just as an introductory fyi, links to my eating disorder and sobriety blogs can be found on my blogroll.
I’m hoping to make this blog a lot less “serious.” I’m obviously going to post about my feelings about my changing gender identity and expression, but I’m also going to try to use it as a venue to talk about GLBTQ issues.. Post cool links, as for your thoughts, etc.
Things on the gender front have been better as of late. I look in the mirror, glancing over my body, and I feel more normal. More like me.
My partner cut my hair recently (gave it a trim) and I decided to go a little shorter than I have before. I love it.
My hair is short, masculine looking. My cheeks are rosy. I’m baby faced. My clothes definitely more masculine. My voice still feminine, but definitely on the lower end. I am genderqueer.
One of the hardest parts, however, has been the bathroom issue. Sometimes I use the womens, sometimes the mens. Honestly, I usually use the mens only if its more convienient, and because I can pass, so it doesn’t matter. I much prefer genderneutral bathrooms, but they’re not always an option.
It has become a rather prevalent issue. The stares. The awkward looks. All of that usually leads to me hating myself and my body.
A couple of weeks ago at a restaurant in town, I was standing in the womens bathroom, and someone walked up to me and exclaimed “Don’t you know this is the womens bathroom? ” Like I’m a dumbass who can’t read. I just wanted to smack her. I’m not dumb, lady. I saw the sign on the door labeling it a “womens room.” I chose to walk in. Make the logical conclusion.
I’m still nervous but excited to talk about all of this with my therapist Sarah when I see her next. I haven’t told her about the panel, about coming out as genderqueer, about AA.. Its going to be a lot to talk about!
A random GLBTQ related update before I go:
I was selected as a 2010 Right to Marry AZ Equality Walker. I’ll be walking 98 miles in the hot Arizona sun in the middle of August for marriage equality. We go to the areas where no one else wants to–the most conservative areas in Arizona.
I’m honored to join the team this year. 🙂